Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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