She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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