i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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