i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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