can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
