Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need a beard to bite.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
