pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
