how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
