Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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