i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
