I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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