so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
