How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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