Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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