we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
