If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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