I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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