Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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