Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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