Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
