Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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