I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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