last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
