It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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