well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
