I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
