Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
