Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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