I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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