I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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