Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize