does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
