ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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