All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
