: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
