I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
