i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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