The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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