I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my shit smells like andre
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
