So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
