the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How naked do you want me to be?
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