okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
where does the pee come out of this thing
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
