He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
