who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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