he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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