Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
