i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
