oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
