I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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