You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize