I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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