Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
