did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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