Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think people are normalizing furries
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
