I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
