the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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