i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
