1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
pop tarts are not kleenex
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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