Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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