IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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