If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
