I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
