Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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