I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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