I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
