i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
