Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I look better un-naked...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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