what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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