i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
