If i come over, it means nothing
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
