Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
