I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
