Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
