i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
