Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
