Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
