our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
